We’ve all been there—offering a reward to get homework done or threatening to take away a privilege like screen time when things don’t get done. But do these strategies really work? Let’s take a closer look at how punishments and rewards actually affect our child’s motivation and learning. After all, we want them to be curious and motivated on their own, not just because there’s a reward or punishment waiting.
What Drives Your Child?
Children are naturally motivated when they enjoy something, like playing games, drawing, or sports. This is called intrinsic motivation—they do these activities because they genuinely enjoy them. For example, if your child loves reading, they’ll pick up a book without being told. Same for gaming, isn’t it?
But then there’s extrinsic motivation, which comes from external factors. Your child might do their homework not because they love math, but because they’re afraid of punishment or because they want a reward. This motivation doesn’t come from within, but from the fear of consequences or the promise of something nice.
Studies show that intrinsically motivated children tend to perform better in school. This is because they find joy in what they do, which leads to better engagement, creativity, and long-term success. But does this mean extrinsic motivation is bad? Not necessarily.
The Reality: Both Motivations Have a Role
It’s unrealistic to expect children to be motivated only by what they love. Not every subject will be interesting to every child. A child might enjoy art but struggle with math, for instance. In such cases, extrinsic motivation can still serve a purpose, especially when there’s a need to get the job done.
It’s better to have some motivation rather than none at all. If completing homework ensures that your child progresses academically—even if it’s just to avoid a bad grade or earn screen time—there’s still value in that.
Children go through different levels of motivation and can eventually reach a point where they do tasks because they understand why they’re important, even if they don’t like doing them.
Even as adults, we don’t always enjoy every task at work, but we push through because we know it’s important. The same goes for children. They might not love every subject, but if they see its value or how it can help them, they’re more likely to put in the effort.
Are Punishments and Rewards Really Effective?
Using rewards and punishments can change behaviour, and in some cases, they work. Rewards can encourage good behaviour, while punishments can stop undesirable actions. But what about the long-term effects?
If you promise a reward every time your child reads a book, they might start reading just to earn the reward, not for the joy of reading. Over time, this could reduce their natural interest in reading. Similarly, punishments can create fear. Kids may follow instructions to avoid getting in trouble, not because they understand why it’s important. While this might work in the short term, it doesn’t foster a love for learning or build responsibility. Instead, they may only do the minimum to avoid punishment, which isn’t helpful for long-term growth.
What Works Better: Unexpected Rewards
Instead of relying solely on punishments or offering rewards as bribes, it’s more effective to give unexpected rewards, when they least expect it. For instance, if your child finishes their homework without you promising a reward, give them a small surprise—a treat or extra playtime. This type of reward feels more like recognition for their effort rather than something they were “forced” into. It will also make them feel proud of their effort and boosts their confidence and interest in what they’re doing.
Another helpful approach is using rewards that aren’t tied to specific actions, called non-contingent rewards. This can boost motivation without making the child feel controlled. For instance, praising your child for their overall hard work rather than just for completing one task can help them feel proud of their effort.
The Benefits of Self-Determined Motivation
In the long run, kids who learn to motivate themselves—because they understand that what they’re doing matters—tend to be happier, enjoy learning more, and do better in school. They’ll also become more resilient, meaning they’ll keep going even when things get hard. When children recognize the importance of their tasks, whether it’s studying or learning a new skill, they’re more likely to stick with it and push through challenges. This mindset sets them up for long-term success, both academically and personally.
For a start, let your kid decide on small things, like how much time they want to spend on a task or which homework assignment to tackle first. This helps them feel in charge of their learning process.
So, do punishments and rewards work? Yes—but they have limits. While they can sometimes push kids to do what’s needed, we can’t depend on them alone. The real goal is to help our children find meaning in what they’re learning. Encouraging curiosity, supporting their interests, and offering positive feedback can help your child develop a love for learning that goes beyond the fear of punishment or the promise of rewards.
In the end, it’s all about balance—reward them when it’s appropriate, but always focus on making learning meaningful. That way, your child will be motivated to learn for the joy of it, not just because there’s something in it for them.
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