We Need More Lazy Parents!

Too much parental ‘help’ can be harmful.

As a parent, you have probably spent a lot of time thinking about which parenting style best fits your family dynamic. Many modern parents are choosing gentle, empathetic approaches, while others stick to traditional, stricter methods. But could a more relaxed, ‘lazy’ parenting style also be effective?

The term ‘lazy parenting’ might sound misleading, but it really just means a ‘hands-off’ approach. It’s not about neglecting your child or ignoring them; it’s about letting them manage their own tasks and learn from their mistakes as they grow. It also means giving your child chances to build confidence, independence, and responsibility by stepping back and letting them tackle challenges on their own. Sure, we could make everything easier for our children by handling it all ourselves. But why not let them try things on their own and learn in the process?

We have seen how some parents step in to help even before their child asks for it. They move beyond simply offering guidance and take over tasks, correcting their child’s mistakes instead of letting them learn from their errors, not realizing that their kids will miss out on a learning opportunity on what they’re truly capable of.  Instead of rushing to their rescue, let them discover their own capabilities. And they’re often capable of more than we think!

Studies have revealed that the highest-achieving students often come from countries where parental involvement in education is minimal. Children may begin to doubt their own abilities, thinking they can’t succeed without help. This doubt can then lead to heightened anxiety in situations outside the home, where they won’t always have someone to lean on.

Our role as parents is to raise them to be independent. We shouldn’t wait until they’re about to leave for the real world to start preparing them—it’s something we should begin from an early age. This way, they can benefit and mature faster.

Moreover, when we treat our children as if they’re capable of achieving great things, we give them the courage to learn new skills and the confidence that they can make a difference—no matter how young they are.

Think about this: As a parent, you have always been the one reminding your child to pack their school bag, checking every piece of their homework and setting up their after-school schedule. Your child forgets something and you rushed it to school. Now, as a teenager transitioning into secondary school or junior college, the child struggles. They don’t know how to manage their time, keep track of assignments, or handle responsibilities such as managing their allowance because they never had the chance to practice these everyday skills, they’re finding it hard to navigate life independently.

“Lazy parenting” might sound like you’re taking the easy way out, but it’s actually a very purposeful approach. It varies based on your child age, but here’s how lazy parenting can benefit their development:

Getting Kids Involved in Chores: From a very young age, letting your little ones help with simple tasks like putting back the toys after playing or watering the plants can instil a sense of responsibility. This early involvement teaches them that they can do their part in helping at home.

Allowing children to struggle at times: Constantly stepping in to fix every problem, be it a broken toy, a challenging puzzle or a simple project gone wrong, can deny your child valuable learning experiences. By letting them navigate these challenges on their own, you encourage them to develop problem-solving skills and creativity. For instance, if they struggle with a puzzle, letting them persist helps improve their critical thinking. Or, if they make a mistake in a DIY project, allowing them to troubleshoot fosters resilience and resourcefulness.

Not Being Their Full-Time Entertainer: It’s okay if your child gets bored sometimes. Boredom can spark creativity and help them learn how to entertain themselves. Plus, constantly finding ways to keep them entertained can be exhausting for you!

Let Homework Be Their Job: Allow your child to tackle their homework on their own while offering support when needed. This helps them develop a sense of responsibility and boosts their confidence in managing their own tasks. By taking ownership of their assignments, they learn time management and self-discipline, crucial skills for their future.

Letting Them Face Natural Consequences: Sometimes, it’s alright for your child to experience the natural consequences of their actions. For instance, if they forget their umbrella and get caught in the rain or get punished for forgetting to bring them homework to school, they learn firsthand the importance of being prepared and taking responsibility. These experiences teach them valuable life lessons.

Allowing them to deal with the consequences of their choices: If your child chooses to spend their allowance quickly and then has to go without a treat later, let them experience that consequence. This helps them understand the value of money and the importance of making thoughtful decisions.

That’s not to say that we should let them do entirely what they want, but as parents, we know our kids’ habits, strengths, weaknesses and capabilities. We know when it is ok to stand back and be “lazy”.

Delaying the teaching of new skills to our children simply because of their age isn’t the best approach. Embracing ‘lazy parenting’ means starting to teach them these skills now, even if it feels like they’re too young. Instead of waiting for them to be older, begin with small tasks. Yes, they’ll make mistakes and might take longer to complete tasks than you would, but this approach is incredibly beneficial. By stepping back and allowing them to take on responsibilities, they’re learning, growing, and developing skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.